Dear Mom...I Miss You

Dear Mom,

I still remember last year's Mother's Day like it was yesterday...event though we didn't get to spend it together, I remember going shopping for your gifts and mailing it to you. I was at Macy's, in the kitchen section, and saw two things that fit you perfectly...a plastic deviled-egg tray case (your deviled eggs were the best I've EVER had, I'm not sure how I'll ever make them as good as you) and a spray bottle for EVOO (I still remember the 1st time you told me about how much you loved Rachel Ray and how she called Extra Virgin Olive Oil = EVOO). I remember you calling and telling me that you absolutely loved both and couldn't wait to use them...and I remember seeing both of them at the house when I came to visit shortly after that, proudly on display. :)

And now, this day, just a year later, is acutely painful and harder than I would have ever imagined. I want you to know, today of all day's, that you were the best mother a girl could every dream of having! I'm not sure that I ever said it enough or emphasized it enough...but my appreciation, love and respect for you is larger than life itself and grows more and more every single day. I will spend the rest of my life honoring you and all that you did for everyone while you were here with us. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, it was something that came so easily for you - and know that on this day, and every day you are loved and missed.

Love,
Kristin

A beautiful, Amy Cornwell necklace that I ordered for my sister and me, in memory of our mom.

When I got back into blogging and posting regularly, I promised myself that I would be more personal and post from my heart. All of the blogs that I follow, that I truly love, are ones in which the blogger is vulnerable, is honest with his/her readers, and doesn't necessarily always post about all of the positive things that are going on in life. We're all human, we have good days and bad days...and we should be able to talk about the bad days just as much as all the good!

This past winter, my mother passed away. She was 58, too young, and it was fairly sudden. We were very close, she was one of my very best friends. I've been more at peace with it lately, knowing that it must have been her time, that she had fulfilled her purpose here on Earth, that she's in good hands, and that she'll always be with me. But unfortunately, days like these will never be the same again. Not a second goes by that I don't feel her absence in my life, but a good friend of hers who I keep in touch with, told me the other day (as I told him how hard I knew today was going to be) that EVERY day is Mother's Day. And I couldn't agree more...I try to live every day in honor of my Mom, hoping to make her proud and living the life she would want for me. I have good days and bad days...and I'm okay with that. She is my mother, she's no longer here, and that hurts. But whether we like it or not, life doesn't stop for anything and we have to pick up and learn how to keep them in our hearts as we continue through life. So I'm learning and will continue to celebrate every day as Mother's Day for my mom.

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I want to wish all of the mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. I am not a mom yet, but I know from watching on the sidelines, that it is NOT an easy job. One day a year does not reflect the recognition that mother's should get for all that they do. So I encourage you to treat every day as if it was Mother's Day. 

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Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted ~ Matthew 5:4 

Why "Change is Necessary for Growth"?

I started this blog back in January of 2010, when the hubby and I were living in Monterey, CA. That year (prior to starting the blog), I had completed my graduate degree, moved clear across the country and was living in this beautiful city with so many wonderful things to see and do. At the time, pretty much "everyone" I knew was starting a blog and I wanted to keep my family & friends updated with things that were going on in our lives. I didn't think too much about advertising it, and part of me kept it fairly private for certain reasons. I blogged about Monterey, knitting, cooking and various other "girly" things...I had the occasional commenter, but most of my followers were friends and family.

I stuck with it, but sometimes months would go by between posts...I would lose interest, not knowing how to get more involved with it and not really doing anything to try and improve it (to keep up with the blogging community). Even though I didn't post very often, I still always kept up with daily stalking reading from MANY other blogs that I followed, occasionally finding new ones that would strike my interest. :)

Fast forward to last month...I decided that I had let it go long enough, that I was really interested in becoming a part of this blogging community and getting my blog out there. I'm still not sure that I have a lot of interesting posts or things to offer - I would definitely say that a large focus of my blog will continue to be information-sharing. I say that because, I just don't have a lot going on in my life right now...no kids to post about, no indie biz to rave about...I work (travel for it a little bit), take care of my doggies, volunteer for various organizations and am just continuing to wait until the time comes when the hubby and I can finally have a life together again (or long-distance story is crazy, just trust me)! BUT that being said, I've started linking up with fellow bloggers, filming vlogs, and I'm just really enjoying myself A LOT! Whether people are coming to the blog, watching/reading/listening and actually enjoying themselves, or commenting on things I've talked about...posting every day is giving me goals and deadlines and keeping me focused when I'm not working. :) 

Alright, so now that that's out of the way, I just thought I would write a little bit about why I chose "Change is Necessary for Growth" as my blog title. It's fairly long, I know, but here's the deal...when I went to begin my blog, I struggled in coming up with a name (as I'm sure many bloggers do). I couldn't think of anything that sounded good with my name in it, but I wanted it to be something personal and memorable. #1 - I have always been big into quotes...I used to keep a notebook full of quotes that I would write down, whenever I would stumble upon one that I liked. #2 - Also, at the time I started it, I told you (above) that I was going through a ton of changes AND was looking at at least a few more years of many changes ahead of me! Change was just becoming part of my everyday experiences...new cities, new jobs, new friends, etc. #3 - For a long time, I've been a big proponent of always trying new things, adapting to situations, and trying to enjoy every new experience that gets thrown my way. So, the quote below my title was one that I had written down years ago, and it just speaks to me...and became the basis of my blog title.

Change is Necessary for Growth

Now, do we all change in some shape or form, from day to day? Probably yes, I would say. But there are those who avoid change at all costs...who are so uncomfortable with it, they can't stand it and they run from it. And then there are those people who embrace it, adapt to it, and grow. I am definitely the latter, or at least have learned to be that way over time. I will say, that I have discovered a difference in making your own change vs. change that happens upon you, often when you least expect it. E.g. Deciding to go to graduate school was a big change for me - much more rigorous than undergraduate school and to describe it as challenging is putting it mildly - but I made that choice. Losing a family member suddenly, who will no longer be in your life, is a HUGE change. One that rocks your world and ultimately changes you forever. That change is a little harder to embrace and adapt to...but learning to grow in spite of that change is the obstacle to overcome (at least in my own experiences). 

I just know that I'm constantly changing...not my personality per se, or who I am as a person. But my knowledge changes, interests change, goals change, perspectives change...and I'm looking out across the next year upon MANY more changes coming our way. I'm excited though...and am eager to see how I can grow as a person, based on those changes.

What about you...do you embrace change? Avoid it (no judgement here, I promise)? How does change affect you?